11/10/05
I'm Sith of this Shit!

Welcome to this week’s Nerd Condo Newsletter, where we dignify and deride the weekly happenings of the uncool. A note to tenants using Netflix: please double check the name on your envelope before taking it to your condo. There are too many subscriptions in the building, and the manager is tired of hearing disputes over who truly rented Volume 6 of Cowboy BeBop. Thank you.

Episode III has finally landed on DVD, after a grueling 4 month wait since it left theaters. Remember those terrible days in the past when we had to wait almost 6 months for a DVD? And then we'd only get the movie and some "interactive menus" that consisted of a screenshot of the movie? How did we ever survive? Anyway, it's here, and millions of DVD shelves across the country look much cooler (or nerdier, if you're a girl looking at my DVD collection). I've always been an unapologetic Prequel fan, from Menacing Phantoms to Attacking Clones, and so I will stand my ground on Revenge of the Sith and the ridiculous (albeit much fewer) criticisms lobbed at this movie. Let's go, in no particular order!

Some people thought the Wookies were too ancillary to the story. As if they were just thrown in for good measure to make up for the Ewoks taking their spot in Jedi. But really, when you first heard Chewie was gonna be in this one, didn't you cringe a little bit? I did. I thought, 'How the hell are they going to do this without making it seem totally ridiculous that Chewie's involved?' There were rumors that Chewbacca would deliver the twins to Tatooine and Alderaan. Or provide them safe passage. Or touch babies in some manner. So imagine my excitement to find that they were actually being used to show the scope of the war and totally not interfere with the story. It was nice to see Chewie again, and that's really all I wanted. As an added bonus, he even gave Yoda a sweet piggyback ride! What's not to love?

Many people hated Vader's cry of 'Noooooo!' after finding out Padme was dead. Of course, those people are the Star Wars Haters who nitpick anything they can so they can justify hating the movie. He literally yells for 2 seconds. Get over it.

I've also heard complaints about Anakin's turn to the Dark Side as not compelling enough. Here are his reasons: Jedi Betraying Him, Jedi Holding Him Back, Jedi Plotting Against Palpy, oh, and Padme's Impending Death. Didn't Lucas spend an entire movie saying that Anakin loves Padme? A Lot?? I think that's enough motivation for him to seek out a way to save her. Especially after his mother died and he swore he wouldn't let something like that happen again. And he also showed in Episode II that he was vulnerable and prone to killing innocent things just cuz he was in a bad mood. Besides, the Jedi turned out to be straight-laced, wordy bastards who believed in a 'Prophecy' that came from God knows where. Wouldn't you want to shoot lightning out of your fingers instead?

The bottom line is that this movie was a fitting send-off to the greatest movie saga ever told. There are so many things to love, it outweighs any complaints about silly R2D2 humor or wheezy General Grievous. For proof, watch the intercut scene of Anakin in the Jedi Temple and Padme at her apartment. Or the execution of Order 66. Or the opening space battle. Or the look on Dooku's face as Anakin has crossed sabers against his neck. Or the Palpy/Yoda battle. Or the Darth transformation. Or, basically the whole movie. The circle is now complete. Bask in its awesome circumference. And just be glad you're not a Matrix fan.

If you can't believe I didn't mention Jimmy Smits, patiently await the next Nerd Article from Guerrs@thedeckingcrew.com

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